Minesweeper

It's like playing a damn game of minesweeper in my head right now.  It's like... okay, that issue is okay to think about and process, now you have two more chances to work on issues but if you step on the wrong one, you get the anger bomb. Then, everything blows up in your face.

I realize now (hindsight being 20/20) that my meds haven't been working effectively for a while. Logically, I know I need to get them adjusted but I'm terrified of that at the same time. This process of seeing what works and what doesn't has never gone well for me. In the past, I knew he had my back and would be there to catch me if I fell. This time, no, this would be a solo mission. Regardless, I'm going to go see a counselor this week to get the ball rolling to figure it out.

I've decided there's absolutely no way I can handle Bowman this weekend. That's a whole minefield I've yet to figure out how I'll navigate. How do I go back to the place that held so much promise of a future just three weeks ago and now is the site of the nuclear bomb that ended everything?