There's no talking my heart out of this. I've tried.
I tried talking to some other guys on the dating sites to take my mind off of him. Didn't work. They were all nice guys that were obviously interested. I just wasn't feeling it, at all. I was half-assing my way through conversations but the whole time I was comparing everyone to him. Why is my heart so dead set on this guy? Does it know something my brain doesn't? Apparently, because my heart won't let it go. I went to a good friend's house yesterday. It was supposed to be just to catch up and pick up some moving boxes. It turned into twelve hours of catching up over a bottle (or two) of wine. I told her all about the past few months, the divorce, and everything that has happened since then. We talked about him and it just made me miss him even more. I promised myself I wouldn't reach back out...but the wine convinced me otherwise. I haven't even met him yet, what the hell is going on in this heart of mine? I was getting so much shit from everyone there all night about texting him (P.S. my friend and her boyfriend met on the same site) I was getting the lecture that you're never supposed to fall for the first person you talk to. Yeah, yeah, yeah....tell my heart that please. I had no intention of any of this happening but it definitely is. I have no control over any of this...I'm just along for the ride I guess. I deleted my profiles on all the dating sites. It's pointless now. My heart wants what it wants. I'm not the type of person that just gives up either. Oh no, I fight for what I want. If the past two to three years have taught me anything, it's that. I fight.
Other updates: The housing situation is looking dismal at best. I have got to get out of here, and soon. I need this chapter to be closed so I can start over and rebuild my life the way I want it. I've applied to so many jobs. Jobs I thought for sure I'd be a shoe in for and nada, nothing, zilch. What the hell is going on?! I never thought it would be this hard to get back in to my career. I have sixteen years experience in it. I have an excellent resume. I'm getting so discouraged and scared. Things need to start going right, real soon.
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