Kratom

I wish I'd never found out about this stuff. I found out about it when I was researching alternative medicine and ways to deal with two discs herniation and sciatica prior to my back surgery. It is not illegal in the US, yet. Knowing my tendency to become dependent on things, I was terrified of becoming addicted to pain medication. Little did I know how much I would struggle with dependency with it and the ripple effect it caused. I have been off and on it for over two and a half years now.

To understand my dependency on it, you need to understand a little about my bipolar disorder. I am bipolar II, meaning I experience hypomania (increased energy, good mood, confident, productive, some irritability) and depressive (deep depression, a lot of time with suicidal thoughts) episodes that when not treated correctly, can cycle very quickly. I don't experience true mania requiring hospitalization. True mania is when you are a risk to others and yourself  because of reckless behavior. My bipolar leans more toward the depressive side.

After much self thought, here is what I've figured out.

Why I take it - My depressive episodes terrify me. I found that Kratom mimics a hypomania episode where I experience the benefits of increased energy, very productive, happy, and confident. Along with the benefits, I also experience the drawbacks of impulse spending, irritability, low libido, very little sleep and I don't eat. When I relapsed and started taking it again, T.J. and I were fighting. The depression was creeping in and since we didn't have insurance, I knew I couldn't get my meds adjusted. I ran to the only thing I could think of to stop the progression of the depression. That was five months ago.

Getting off of it - I've never experienced anything quite like withdrawing from Kratom cold turkey. I thought I was going to die that first time I tried it that way. The crash from happy and energetic to a deep depression within two days time was horrible. I slept for days to keep from my thoughts, constant shaking, and everything in my body hurting. Think flu times ten. I've heard people say it's like coming off heroin. Knowing I couldn't do that route again I began researching other ways and found that weaning was a much safer way to do it.  I've decreased from eight pills to two with very little side effects. I'm feeling much better and more like myself every day. I hope to be completely off by  November 10th.